Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
something you'd like to have dinner with."
--Kathleen Mifsud
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that
perhaps they're too old to do it.
-- Ann Bancroft
Any husband who says. "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is
talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
-- Bill Cosby
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
-- Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
-- HennyYoungman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
--Cindy Garner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-- Elaine Boosler
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in
the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
-- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
-- Phyllis Diller
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a
quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no
secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband
for not being Paul Newman.
---Erma Bombeck
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