REDMOND, Wash.  - Dec 3, 1999 -- In direct response to accusations
 made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp.  announced
 today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United
 States of America for an undisclosed sum.
 "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said
 Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "it really is going to be a positive
 arrangement for everyone,"   Microsoft representatives held a
 briefing in the oval office of the White House with US President Bill
 Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be
 The United States will be managed as a wholly-owned division of
 Microsoft.  An initial public offering is planned for July of next
 year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q4
 2000 at latest", according to  Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
 In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
 and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
 Microsoft and will continue to manage the United States government,
 reporting directly to Bill Gates.  When asked how it felt to give up
 the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and
 referred to it as "a relief."  He went on to say that Gates has a
 "proven track record," that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their
 "full support and confidence."
 Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000
 annually he has earned as U.S. President, in his new role at
 Microsoft. Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be
 moved to Redmond as "silly,"  though he did say that he would make
 executive decisions for the U.S. government from his existing office
 at Microsoft headquarters.
 Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
 abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy," he observed, "and look how
 well we're doing."
 When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
 proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
 Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that
 United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases
 in government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
 About Microsoft:  Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the
 worldwide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic
 government.  The company offers a wide range of products and services
 for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission
 of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage
 of the full power of personal computing and free society every day.
 About the United States:  Founded in 1789, the United States of
 America is the most successful nation in the history of the world,
 and has been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200
 years. Headquartered in Washington, DC, the United States is a
 wholly-owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
 "The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered
 trademarks of Microsoft Corporation.

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