1. A boyfriend's biceps must be bigger than his Ear Lobes. 2. Your Boyfriend must be willing to hand over the Control of the TV remote, without sweating, swearing, squirming or extreme distortions of his face. 3. Your boyfriend must be able to remember both your first and last name, within ten minutes of watching Baywatch. 4. A boyfriend's vocabulary must include at least 20% intelligible words mixed in with the typical blend of grunts, snorts, and belches. 5. Your boyfriend should be able to defend you against at least two thugs. If you are willing to help then it should go up to six. 6. The sound level of a boyfriend eating a cheeseburger must remain under 90 decibels...unless he does it in under 6 seconds. 7. Your boyfriend must be able to name more great events in American History than episodes of the Three Stooges. 8. Your boyfriend must reserve at least 15 minutes a day for conversation that does NOT include sports, cars, Super Models, or Science fiction movies. 9. Boyfriend's must know the difference between right and wrong....you're right and they're wrong! 10. Your boyfriend must be able to detect important shifts in your emotional needs within 3 weeks of when they occur. (PMS) 11. Your boyfriend's idea of a date must on occasion include the possibility of him spending money. 12. Your boyfriend must be able to dance at least one dance OTHER than the hokey-pokey. 13. Boyfriend hair guidelines: 1) his hair must never look like a nest for rodents. 2) his hair must never look better than yours. 3) his hair must never be longer than yours 14. A boyfriend's idea of a sensitive and emotionally satisfying movie should not include any films with Clint, Arnold, or Bruce in it. 15. Ideally, boyfriend's should be able to dress themselves with style and flair...or at least just be able to dress themselves. 16. You must not be able to smell your boyfriend's breath beyond a radius of 4 feet.
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