Safe Sex Tips

These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life or death.
Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":

* Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy
  the crack directly.
* Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of
  erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
* Wash hands thoroughly before fisting goat.
* Under no circumstances should you give CPR to a stranger.
* Avoid dipping penis in buckets of AIDS-infected blood.
* Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from
* Pull out cat's teeth before pouring gravy over vagina.
* Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to
  third base with you.
* Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over
  before use.
* Stock up on free safe-sex pamphlets at local health clinic; use them to
  make paper-mache genital wrap.
* Before fellating anonymous man in back room of gay bar, be sure to ask,
  "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
* Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.
* You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any
  mouth-to-mouth contact.
* To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
* Avoid talking to homosexuals at all costs.
* If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the

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