My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.  Two times a week,
we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays,
I go Fridays.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,
"Some where I have never been!"  I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.
Then she said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! So I
bought her an electric chair.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
"No, jump in!" said the truck driver.

A husband said to his wife, "Your mother has been living with us for 5 years
now.  Isn't it time that she got herself her own apartment?" "My mother?"
said the shocked wife, "I thought she was *your* mother."

A couple had three children.  Two of them were bright, smart and handsome
but the third child was dull, ugly and backward.  One day the hubby got
suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth dear, is this third child really
mine?" "Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not".

You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead
of men, don't you?  They would have asked for directions, arrived on time,
helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole and brought
disposable diapers as gifts!

And God Created Woman.
And She was Good.
And she had two arms, two legs and three breasts.  And God asked woman what
she would like to have changed about herself and she asked for her middle
breast to be removed.  And it was good. She stood with her third breast in
her hand and asked God what should be done with the useless boob. And God
created Man.

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