Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as
Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What
can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking
faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do.
He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go
this way. He cannot follow both of us.
So the man decided to go after Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives
at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived.
Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so
he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as
he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a
man with his pants down.
GENUINE EXCERPTS FROM LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS:
1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is
cleared.
2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my
knob off.
3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next
door.
4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my
wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a
third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and
not fit to drink.
12. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe
stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
13. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at
5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
14. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers
and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep
my wife happy.
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling):
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please
execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32,
and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a
tree and misplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in
the growing part.
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very
close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his
boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the
Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was
Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend
with the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not
breed well.
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