Life Imponderables

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted,
   then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever -- so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. Mind like a steel trap -- rusty and illegal in 37 states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria -- they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going
    the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it 
31. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your week.
32. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
33. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
34. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
35. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade.
36. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
37. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it !
38. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
39. How many of you believe in telekinesis ? Raise my hand.
40. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
41. OK, so what's the speed of dark ?
42. How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink ?
43. If every thing seems to be going well, you have obviously 
    overlooked something.
44. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
45. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
46. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
47. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends ?
48. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk ?
49. What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice ?
50. I use to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
51. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

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