Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road."  And the chicken crossed the road, and there 
was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken
did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any 

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!
The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released Chicken Coop 99, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your 
checkbook -- and Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean
by chicken?  Could you define chicken please?

IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross the
road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout history.

GEORGE W. BUSH:  I think it's premature to talk about it at this point.  No
puedo hablar contigo sobre el pollo, hoy.  Possiblemente, manana.  Thank you.

FORREST GUMP:  Chickens are as chickens do.

MARION BARRY: That bitch chicken set me up.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you
people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going 
to the "other side."  That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, 
my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will 
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless 
phrases like "the other side."  That chicken should not be free to cross 
the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

KEN STARR: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest
of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract 
law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal 
wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As
a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and
elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For 
that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity 
provided he co-operates fully with our investigation.  Furthermore, the 
chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until 
our investigation and any congressional follow-up investigations have 
been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has 
leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to 
be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird 
may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

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