A certain Jewish gentleman was having a run of very bad luck. (I won't bore everybody with the FULL details, but suffice it to say that his wife was divorcing him, his Mother-in-law was foreclosing on the mortgage on his house, his car was re-possessed, and his daughter was getting her name changed. Not to mention the fact that his business was in the process of going bankrupt.) He decided to end it all and went to the kitchen to find a carving knife with which to slash his wrists. Just as he was about to carry out this grisly task he realized he was hungry so he opened the refrigerator (No sense dying on an empty stomach) and took out a bagel, sliced it in half and buttered it. He was just in the process of transferring it to his mouth when it slipped out of his hand somersaulted several times and landed on the kitchen floor BUTTER SIDE UP !! As his kitchen was carpeted with a lovely bit of $100 a yard cloth of gold, he realized that there must be some extreme significance to this apparently random fluke of Nature and so, putting his self-destruction plans on "hold", he grabbed his hat and coat and raced off to the synagogue where he breathlessly related the whole story to the Rabbi. "Rabbi, d'you think it's a sign from God that my luck is going to change? Please Rabbi, tell me the meaning of the sign!" The Rabbi regarded him carefully and responded thus: "My Son, I must consult the Holy Books. I must discuss this with the learned Men. Put $100 in the collection for the poor and come back on Tuesday, when all will be revealed." He did as he was asked and walked home a lighter and somewhat happier man. Now he was on tenterhooks until Tuesday. He couldn't sleep wondering about the significance of the Bagel which defied the Law of Selective Gravity. The hours dragged past slowly until finally Tuesday morning arrived and he rushed once more to the synagogue. "Rabbi! Rabbi! You remember me! The man with the bad luck and the bagel. Tell me, Rabbi, have you solved the significance of the sign?" "My Son, I have consulted the Holy Books and the Ancient Wisdom, I have discussed at great length with the learned men what happened with the bagel, and I am sure we have reached the meaning of the sign." "Tell me Rabbi! Tell me!" "You buttered it on the wrong side, you Schmuck!"
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