Multiple Choice For Men

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions.  Knowing this,
women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are
   the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, 
   they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that
   is  capable of curing all diseases, providing an infinite supply of clean 
   energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating 
   oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide:

   A. Present it to the President of the United States.
   B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
   C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss
   the most?

   A. Innocence.
   B. Idealism.
   C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

   A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
      narrow-minded social conventions.
   B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
   C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only 
      really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, 
      you have to have him killed.

4. What about hugging another male?

   A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
   B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
   C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run
      to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
      (1) He is legally within the base path,
      (2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and
      (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause

6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

   A. A cat.
   B. A dog.
   C. A dog that eats cats.

7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
   intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday 
   afternoon the two of you are taking it easy.  You're watching a football 
   game; she's reading the papers. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, 
   she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no 
   longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is
   going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only 
   whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do 
   you say?

   A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you 
      don't want to rush it.
   B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot 
      honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting 
      commitment, and you don't want    to hurt her by holding out false 
   C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and

8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
   spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows 
   the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

   A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
   B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and
      when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the 
      stars in her eyes, you tell her.
   C. Tell her what?

9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get
   your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

   A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
   B. "They're in school already?"
   C. "There are three of them?"

10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

    A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes 
       so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for 
       your legs.
    B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has 
       to be handled with tweezers.
    C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks 
       the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, 
       but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear, 
       which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more 
       intimate relationship with it than with her.

11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact
    that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before 
    they finally got to the Promised Land?

    A. He was being tested.
    B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they 
       finally got there.
    C. He refused to ask for directions.

12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

    A. Democracy.
    B. Religion.
    C. The remote control.

Top |  Back | Home