Doggie Dictionary

LEASH:  A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your
       person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest
       room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this
       properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool
       fall to the floor or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as
       close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat
       several times, or until your person makes you stop.
GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test
       your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the 
       lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with 
       margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts 
       of bread.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body
       fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and 
       dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person 
       then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in
       and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the 
       person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain
       amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them 
       of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes 
       wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy
       wrapper. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers 
       all over the house until your person comes home.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to
       run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and
       themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a
       fresh cup of coffee or tea.
GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't
       get the attention you require..... especially effective when combined 
       with The Sniff. See above.

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