Signs You Might be a Yankee

 - You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
 - You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY.
 - You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" 
 - For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
 - You don't know what a moon pie is.
 - You've never had grain alcohol.
 - You've never, ever, eaten okra.
 - You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
 - You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are
   on road trips.
 - You have no idea what a polecat is.
 - Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes
   over your head.
 - You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
 - You don't have bangs.
 - You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
 - You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get 
   his own TV fishing show.
 - Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them 
   "you guys," even if both of them are women.
 - You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
 - You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
 - You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
   university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
 - You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
 - The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting
   on an on-ramp on the highway.
 - You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
 - The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at 
   Neiman Marcus.
 - You call binoculars opera glasses.
 - You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side 
   of the road and stopping.
 - You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
 - You don't know what applique is.
 - You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, 
   Kay Bob, Bob Bob)
 - You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
 - You've never been to a craft show.
 - You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
 - You can't do your laundry without quarters.
 - None of your fur coats are homemade.

Top |  Back | Home