NORTH POLE - Effective immediately, the following economizing measures 
are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never 
produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic 
hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance. 

2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost 
effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not 
be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated. 

3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves 
the French. 

4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail 
system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to 
determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they 

5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of 
Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have 
negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification 
into other precious metals, as well as a mix of T-Bills and high 
technology stocks, appear to be in order. 

6) The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be 
afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg

per goose per day was an example of the general decline in 
productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the 
selection procedure by personnel will assure management that, from now 
on, every goose it gets will be a good one. 

7) The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better 
times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on 
order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes, 
thereby enhancing their outplacement. 

8) As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy 
scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being 
sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no 
upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try 
a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching. 

9) Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function
will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer 
do the steps. 

10) Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords, plus the 
expense of international air travel, prompted the Compensation 
Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work 
congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the 
savings are significant as we expect an oversupply of unemployed 
congressmen this year. 

11) Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case 
of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a 
cutback on new music, and no uniforms, will produce savings which will 
drop right to the bottom line. 

Overall we can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, 
fowl, animals and related expenses. Though incomplete, studies 
indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. 
If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. 

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking 
expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen 
lawyers-a-suing"), a decision is pending. Deeper cuts may be necessary 
in the future to remain competitive. Should that happen, the Board 
will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see 
if seven dwarfs is the right number. 

To the SANTA CLAUS Incorprated Staff A Happy Holidays ! (please 
exercise judgement on the overall expenses).