Fruitcake Recipe

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.  Check the whiskey again.  To be sure it's the   
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.  Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer,  beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and  beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer.

Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.  If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry
it loose  with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.  Next, sift two cups of
salt.  Or something.  Who cares?  Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and  strain your nuts.  Add one table.  Spoon.
Of sugar or something.  Whatever  you can find.

Grease the oven.  Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.  Don't forget to
off the turner.  Throw the bowl out of the window.

Check the whiskey again and go to bed.

Hapy holidays!  Please feel free to share this recipe with others.