Profits of Horse Racing

Terms:    The horse coming in first wins
          The horse coming in second places
          The horse coming in third shows
          A horse that doesn't run is scratched

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and being told that
there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and
enter it.  However, prices for a horse were too steep so he bought a
donkey instead.  So he entered it in a race.  To his surprise, the donkey
came in third.  The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline: 
Preacher's Ass Shows.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it again
and this time he won.  The headlines read:  Preacher's Ass Out in Front.

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.  Headlines read: 
Bishop Scratched Preacher's Ass.

This was too much for the bishop.  He ordered the preacher to get rid of
the animal.  The preacher decided to give it to a nun at a nearby convent.
Headlines read:  Nun Has Best Ass in Town.

The bishop fainted.  He informed the nun that she would have to dispose
of the donkey.  She finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for
ten bucks.  Headlines read:  Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks.

They buried the bishop the next day.