Microsoft Tech Support

If restaurants functioned like shrink-wrapped (Microsoft) software:
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems
to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a
fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl
are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work.  Maybe it's a configuration problem; how
was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer;what has that to do with the
fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly
in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine.  Bring me the tomato soup, and the check.  I'm  running
late now.
  [waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir.  The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
  [waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter!  There's a gnat in my soup!

  The check:
  Soup of the Day . ........... . . . . . . . . . $5.00
  Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
  Access to support . . . . . . . . . . ..........$1.00