You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interferring with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. You fall off the floor... Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in... **** Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive. Roseanne looks good. Don't recognise wife unless seen through bottom of glass. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you. I'm as jober as a sudge. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki. The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.