Tech Support Answers

The Top 12 Things You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support

12> "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"

11> "...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it."

10> "So -- what are you wearing??"

 9> "Duuuuuude!  Bummer!"

 8> "Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals,

 7> "Press 1 for Support.  Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes.
     Press 3 if you're with the FTC."

 6> "We can help you fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife,
  a roll of duct tape, and a car battery."

 5> "I'm sorry, Dave.  I'm afraid I can't do that."

 4> "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."

 3> "Hold on a second...  Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"

 2> "Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics."

and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Want to Hear From Tech Support...

 1> "Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney."