NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________
If NO, please explain _________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ________________________________
If less than your age, explain ________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
Do you own a van? _______________
A truck with oversized tires? _______________
A waterbed? _______________
A pickup with a mattress in the back? _______________
A condom? _______________
Pornography? _______________
Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________
A tattoo? _______________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
Church you attend ______________________________________________________
How often you attend ___________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
priest? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
____________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
____________________________________________________________
C: A woman's place is in the:
____________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
____________________________________________________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
____________________________________________________________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving
premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ____________________
____________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________
Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND
HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years
for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably
can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application
is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing
white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your
back).
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