If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper? Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called Sosumi. Q: What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a lawyer? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: Shoot the lawyer twice. Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start! Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving. Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy. Q: Why should lawyers always be buried face down? A: If they wake up, they'll start digging. Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A: Take your foot off his head. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of $%!*? A: The bucket. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff. Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? A: There was an empty seat. Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? A: Stick his bill up his @$%. Q. Where can you find a good lawyer? A. In the cemetery Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A. A gigolo only screws one person at a time. Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? A. When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance. Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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