What They Mean

The men's guide to what a woman really means when she says...

"We need" 
"I want"

"It's your decision"
"The correct decision should be obvious by now."

"Do what you want"
"You'll pay for this later."

"We need to talk" 
"I need to complain"

"I'm not upset"
"Of course I'm upset, you moron!"

"You're so manly"
"You need a shave and you sweat a lot."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights."
"I have flabby thighs."

"This kitchen is so inconvenient"
"I want a new house."

"I need wedding shoes"
"The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white."

"Hang the picture there" 
"NO, I mean hang it there!"

"I heard a noise"
"I noticed you were almost asleep."

"Do you love me?" 
"I'm going to ask for something expensive."

"How much do you love me?"
"I did something today you're really not going to like."

"I'll be ready in a minute"
"Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV."

"Is my butt fat?"
"Tell me I'm beautiful."

"You have to learn to communicate."
"Just agree with me."

"Are you listening to me!? "
"Too late, you're dead."

"Do you like this recipe?" 
"It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it."

"I'm not yelling!"
"Yes I am yelling because I think this is important."

"Can't we just be friends?"
"There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch
any part of mine, again."

"I just need some space"
"without you in it"

"Can you help me with my homework? "
"If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me."

"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"We haven't had a fight in a while"

"No, pizza's fine"
"Cheap bastard"

"I just do not want a boyfriend now "
"I just do not want (you as a) boyfriend now"

"I don't know; what do you want to do?"
"I can't believe that you have nothing planned"

"Come here "
"My puppy does this too"

"I like you but... "
"I don't like you"

"You never listen "
"You never listen"

"We're moving too quickly "
"I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in
Bio has a girlfriend"

"I'll be ready in a minute "
"I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will."

"Oh, no, I will pay for myself "
"I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch"

"Oh Yes! Right there "
"Well, near there; I just want to get this over with"

"I'm just going out with the girls "
"We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends"

"There's no one else "
"I am doing your brother"

"Size doesn't count... "
"unless I want an orgasm"


The woman's guide to what a man is really saying...

"I'm hungry." 
"I'm hungry."

"I'm sleepy." 
"I'm sleepy."

"I'm tired." 
"I'm tired."

"Do you want to go to a movie?"
"I'd eventually like to have sex with you."

"Can I take you out to dinner?"
"I'd eventually like to have sex with you."

"Can I call you sometime?"
"I'd eventually like to have sex with you."

"May I have this dance?" 
"I'd eventually like to have sex with you." 

"Nice dress!"
"Nice cleavage!"

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." 
"I want to fondle you." 

"What's wrong?" 
"What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going 
 through now?"

"What's wrong?"
"I guess sex tonight is out of the question."

"I'm bored." 
"Do you want to have sex?"

"I love you." 
"Let's have sex now."

"I love you, too." 
"Okay, I said it ... we'd better have sex now!"

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
"I liked it better before." 

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."
"$50 and it doesn't look that much different!"

"Let's talk."
"I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe 
then you'd like to have sex with me."

"Will you marry me?" = 
"I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys."

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together."
"I am gay."

"I'm going fishing."
"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream
with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have
no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Let's take your car."
"Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."

"Woman driver."
"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and
has a better driving record than me."

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Absolutely nothing.  It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"It would take too long to explain."
"I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
"The batteries in the remote are dead."

"You cook just like my mother used to."
"She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."

"I was listening to you.  It's just that I have things on my mind."
"I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
"Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
"I forgot our anniversary again."

"You know how bad my memory is."
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl
I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've
ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss.  I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
"I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I
admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
"I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"I can't find it."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"But I hate to go shopping."
"Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."

"No, I left plenty of gas in the car."
"You may actually get it to start."

"I missed you."
"I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of
toilet paper."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
"I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."

"I broke up with her."
"She dumped me."

"Haven't I seen you before?"
"Nice ass."

"I'm a Romantic."
"I'm poor."

"I need you."
"My hand is tired."

"I'm different from all the other guys."
"I am not circumcised."

"I want a commitment."
"I'm sick of masturbation."

"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
"You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

"I really want to get to know you better."
"So I can tell my friends about it."

"It's just orange juice, try it."
"3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."

"She's kinda cute."
"I wouldn't kick her out of bed, but a pillow over the head might be

"I don't know if I like her."
"She won't sleep with me."

"I miss you so much."
"I'm so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."

"Was it good for you?"
"I'm insecure about my manhood."

"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
"Is my penis really that small?"

"I had a wonderful time last night."
"Who the hell are you?"

"Do you love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you might find out."

"Do you 'really' love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or

"How much do you love me?"
"I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell
you by now."

"I have something to tell you."
"Get tested."

"I'll give you a call."
"I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."

"I've been thinking a lot."
"You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

"I think we should just be friends."
"You're ugly."

"I've learned a lot from you."

"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
"I gotta turn on my answering machine."

Top |  Back | Home