How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?

LOVE -  when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST -  when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE -  when intercourse is called making love.
LUST -  all other times.
MARRIAGE - what's intercourse?

LOVE -  when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST -  when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - when you argue over money.

LOVE -  when you share everything you own.
LUST -  when you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE -  when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST -  when the relationship is over, if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - what's a climax?

LOVE -  when you phone each other just to say "Gidday". 
LUST -  when you phone each other just to arrange sex.
MARRIAGE - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE -  when you write poems about your partner.
LUST -  when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - when all you write are checks.

LOVE -  when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST -  when you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE - when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE -  when your farewell is "I love you darling ..."
LUST -  when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE -  when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST -  when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE -  when your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST -  when your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - when your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE -  when nobody else matters.
LUST -  when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE -  when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST -  when it's just the same mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE - when you never listen to music.

LOVE -  when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST -  when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE -  when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST -  when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.