Time to Take Your Temperature

The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor

For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself,
irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention
and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He
was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals
were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed
to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities
interfered with his rest... and on, and on.

One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time to take your
temperature, General."

After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to
accept the thermometer.

"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other

A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly
was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for.

The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed
the orderly to proceed. The orderly then told the general, "Stay
exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to
check up on you" and withdrew.

An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the
general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, "What's
going on here?"

"Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature
taken?" the general barked.

"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"