FLORIDA:The Gunshine State ALABAMA:Literacy Ain't Everything ARKANSAS:At Least We're not Oklahoma ILLINOIS:Gateway to Iowa KENTUCKY:Tobacco is a Vegetable MAINE:For Sale MONTANA:Land of the Big Sky, and Very Little Else NEW JERSEY:You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney ... NEW MEXICO:Lizards Make Excellent Pets NORTH CAROLINA:Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names OHIO:Don't Judge us by Cleveland PENNSYLVANIA:Cook with Coal SOUTH DAKOTA:Closer than North Dakota TENNESSEE:The Educashun State TEXAS:Si Hablo Ingles UTAH:Our Jesus is Better than Your Jesus CALIFORNIA:The Granola State -or- Nobody's actually from here. KANSAS:Hayfever capital of the Midwest. COLORADO:Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here. NEBRASKA:More corn than Kansas. MISSOURI:Gateway to Kansas. LOUISIANA:Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you. NEVADA:More Weirdos than Alaska (Warmer Too). MICHIGAN:Land of the free, home of the Buick. ARIZONA:Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds. FLORIDA:Elephant Graveyard; where old Republicans go to die. MINNESOTA:Not Sweden, but we try to act like it. WISCONSIN:Land of funny accents. IDAHO:Nothing here. OREGON:As pretty as California but not as weird.